Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Ten Principles To Live By In Fiercely Complex Times


FC Expert Blog

Ten Principles To Live By In Fiercely Complex Times

BY FC EXPERT BLOGGER TONY SCHWARTZWed Jul 13, 2011
This blog is written by a member of our expert blogging community and expresses that expert's views alone.

If you're like most people I work with in companies, the demands come at you from every angle, all day long, and you have to make difficult decisions without much time to think about them. What enduring principles can you rely on to make choices that reflect openness, integrity and authenticity?
Here are ten that work for me:
1. Always challenge certainty, especially your own. When you think you're undeniably right, ask yourself "What might I be missing here?" If we could truly figure it all out, what else would there be left to do?
2. Excellence is an unrelenting struggle, but it's also the surest route to enduring satisfaction. Amy Chua, the over-the-top "Tiger Mother," was right that there's no shortcut to excellence. Getting there requires practicing deliberately, delaying gratification, and forever challenging your current comfort zone.
3. Emotions are contagious, so it pays to know what you're feeling. Think of the best boss you ever had. How did he or she make you feel? That's the way you want to make others feel.
4. When in doubt, ask yourself, "How would I behave here at my best?" We know instinctively what it means to do the right thing, even when we're inclined to do the opposite. If you find it impossible, in a challenging moment, to envision how you'd behave at your best, try imagining how someone you admire would respond.
5. If you do what you love, the money may or may not follow, but you'll love what you do. It's magical thinking to assume you'll be rewarded with riches for following your heart. What it will give you is a richer life. If material riches don't follow, and you decide they're important, there's always time for Plan B.
6. You need less than you think you do. All your life, you've been led to believe that more is better, and that whatever you have isn't enough. It's a prescription for disappointment. Instead ask yourself this: How much of what you already have truly adds value in your life? What could you do without?
7. Accept yourself exactly as you are but never stop trying to learn and grow.One without the other just doesn't cut it. The first, by itself, leads to complacency, the second to self-flagellation. The paradoxical trick is to embrace these opposites, using self-acceptance as an antidote to fear and as a cushion in the face of setbacks.

8. Meaning isn't something you discover, it's something you create, one step at a time. Meaning is derived from finding a way to express your unique skills and passion in the service of something larger than yourself. Figuring out how best to contribute is a lifelong challenge, reborn every day.
9. You can't change what you don't notice and not noticing won't make it go away. Each of us has an infinite capacity for self-deception. To avoid pain, we rationalize, minimize, deny, and go numb. The antidote is the willingness to look at yourself with unsparing honesty, and to hold yourself accountable to the person you want to be.
10. When in doubt, take responsibility. It's called being a true adult.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Order and Disorder and Your Career

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Every single person, place, or thing that you encounter follows these laws, which present and repeat themselves time and time again. In fact, both order and disorder are good things because they can be used to lead to great improvement in our personal lives and in society. How you make order and disorder work for you will in large part determine your success and failure in life and in your career.
A few years ago, a very intelligent friend of mine, an attorney, came over to my house and started telling me about what a good investment property was. He had spent his career advising companies around the world about various legal issues, and had recently returned from working in Europe. His family owned a large mortgage company and bank, and had been in the business since the early 1900s. Clearly, banking and property investment were in this guy’s blood.
When I asked him why he was always so enthusiastic about property investment, this is what he said:
“Owning property is insane because you are always under attack. The government is always taxing it and will take it away if you do not pay your taxes. If you owe money to a bank for the property, they want their money at the same time each month and if they do not get their money, they will take your property away. If you have tenants, they may try and sue you if they fall down. If it is commercial property, you have to keep it rented out to keep cash flow coming in the door. Not to mention the fact that the elements are constantly wearing away at the property: Roofs need to be replaced; air conditioners and heaters break. Carpet wears out. Everything in the property is continually falling apart and is in need of repair or replacement. It is a challenge to hold on to a property, which is one major reason why its value increases over time. None of this even takes into account things like earthquakes, wars, and various things that people in other parts of the world need to deal with.”
After he said this, I thought about the statement because there was a lot of depth to it. Here it had come from a man who had spent his entire life and career involved in the property business in one form or another. What he was describing, in effect, was the fact that the longer things are around, the more they tend to lead to disorder. The force that he was describing that made property so difficult to hold on to over time was the force of disorder. This force of disorder is incredibly strong and will lead to the breakup of a property very quickly if it is not maintained, taxes are not paid, and people are not living in it constantly.
Have you ever seen what happens to a house that has been abandoned? When I was in law school in Virginia, I lived on a farm that was over 500 acres. The owner of the farm had several houses that he had scattered throughout the farm, which he rented out for extra income. They were all a mile or so apart and I lived in one of the houses. There was one house on the farm that the owner had stopped renting out around 10 years previously for some reason.
The first thing that happens to homes that are abandoned is that kids generally show up and have fun smashing the windows. I do not know where these kids come from, but you can practically set your watch by it. This particular house was in the middle of nowhere, but still its windows had been shattered. I have seen this phenomenon occur with abandoned houses and all over the world. After a house has been abandoned, within a few years weeds start growing, and a process of accelerated decaying occurs as bugs, weeds and all sorts of other elements take over the house and its surrounding area. Within 10 years, the house looks like it has been abandoned for 100 years. The disorder that takes over a house and takes it to the ground and back to nothing, works very, very fast once someone is not there maintaining it.
In Detroit, where I grew up, people burn houses that have been abandoned. They just go and light them on fire. It is as simple as that. This is the ultimate form of disorder. However, once the house has been burned to the ground, all that remains is a lot. The remnants of the house are carted away by city authorities and you are left with the same lot that was there right in the beginning. Disorder leads to order.
When a criminal is out of control, stealing and committing all sorts of crimes, the police do everything they can to find the criminal. When they find him, they put him in handcuffs and then drive him to a prison where he will be put in a small prison cell. In society, our way of controlling criminals is to impose order upon them. Where there is disorder, we create order. Putting a prisoner behind bars is a way we try to impose order on disorder.
When someone is happy and feeling good about themselves, it is always a challenge for them to remain in this state. They may feel ordered and content; however, according to natural law, they can never feel this state forever. They will be under attack from outside forces and the world, and their state will eventually be disturbed. People will insult them. Bad things will happen in the world, which will upset them. Chaos will occur in the world and eventually there will be disorder. The person will become frustrated or discontent about one thing or another. Order naturally leads to disorder, inevitably.
Our bodies are made up of billions of cells, and bones, and tissue. The physical order that we represent will also one day be gone because we will die. When we die, some of us will be cremated and go into the sky as smoke and dust, eventually scattering our remains around the earth. Or, we will be buried, whereby our bodies will decompose over time, and eventually turn into the earth. The order that our bodies represent and hold will eventually change into a state of disorder.
  • It is this way for every plant.
  • It is this way for every house and every building.
  • It is this way for every piece of machinery.
  • It is this way for every boat, car, and airplane.
  • It is this way for every single thing on earth.
The order that exists will always become disorganized and put into varying states of disorder. When something is put into a state of disorder, it will be transformed into a new state again, whereby it will once again be reorganized into something that represents order. This is a never-ending cycle.
Ideally, each time something is subjected to further disorder, it has the opportunity to reorganize itself into something different. An example of order coming into being from disorder is the creation of diamonds:
Diamonds form between 120-200 kms or 75-120 miles below the earth’s surface. According to geologists the first delivery of diamonds was somewhere around 2.5 billion years ago and the most recent was 45 million years ago. That is a long time, my friend! According to science, the carbon that makes diamonds, comes from the melting of pre-existing rocks in the Earth’s upper mantle. There is an abundance of carbon atoms in the mantle. Temperature changes in the upper mantle forces the carbon atoms to go deeper where it melts and finally becomes new rock, when the temperature reduces. If other conditions like pressure and chemistry is right then the carbon atoms in the melting crustal rock bond to build diamond crystals. There is no guarantee that these carbon atoms will turn into diamonds. If the temperature rises or the pressure drops then the diamond crystals may melt partially or totally dissolve. Even if they do form, it takes thousands of years for those diamonds to come anywhere near the surface. http://www.gemsutra.com/diamonds.html
The creation of diamonds represents disorder being changed and coming together as something quite beautiful. The pressure on the rocks creates a diamond. However, not every type of disorder becomes something great. When many people are exposed to disorder, what emerges is something bad. In addition, many people stay isolated from others and the world, in an effort to avoid disorder.
When you are in a company and lose your job, you are exposed to disorder. Almost any job you are working at, you will eventually lose or leave–disorder is a natural law. Almost every company that you are working for, will eventually go out of business (some time in the future). Many people’s lives and careers are punctuated by an extreme amount of disorder. They move from relationship to relationship and job to job and profession to profession. Each exposure to this lack of security and order in their lives is a chance to expose themselves to disorder, and to potentially change their lives for the better.
When you lose a job, this is an example of being exposed to disorder. How you react to this disorder will, in large part, determine how successful you become in your career and life. Many people panic and get extremely upset and desperate when exposed to this sort of disorder:
  • They take the first job they are offered, even if it is beneath their skill level.
  • They may not look in other geographic areas where there are more opportunities.
  • They may get depressed and turn to drugs and alcohol.
  • They may confine their job search to looking on one job board, rather than exploring all the additional options available.
There are numerous potential responses to disorder when we face it in our lives. Disorder needs to be seen as a good thing and should be viewed as a chance to create a diamond, instead of something worse than what existed before. It is very powerful knowing that the disorder we face, will lead to order. If you are not near retirement age and you are fired from a job, or lose a job, you need to understand that the “order” of a new job will come back to your life and you will find another job. Disorder always leads to order. The methods that you follow and how you go about creating the new order, represented here by the new job, are very significant and powerful. When disorder is imposed upon you, or you face impending disorder, it is an incredible opportunity for you to reorganize yourself and your life into something better.
There are all sorts of responses we can have to disorder. I read an interesting article today, about an alarming increase in bank robberies in Spain due to current unemployment rates hovering at 20%. The article dealt with a contractor who had robbed four banks to pay his employees (before he was finally caught). This is a negative response the man had to the disorder he was facing, due to a bad economy. A positive response to a bad economy might be to find new sorts of work that need to be done, instead of robbing a bank. Another response might simply be having fewer employers on the payroll. Disorder always leads to order.
It is the same with relationships. There is order and there is disorder. Both order and disorder are related and are present in every relationship. Sometimes things are going well and other times they are not. Many people crave order in relationships and others crave disorder. In every relationship there will always be order and disorder. It is important to make disorder work foryou in relationships and not against you.
Because order always leads to disorder, it is important that we look upon disorder as something positive and not something negative. In addition, there are times when we are in anordered condition, when being in this condition may not really be in our best interest. There is a real danger in isolating yourself and not allowing yourself to be exposed to disorder. The more you are exposed to disorder, the better the chance that you can reorganize and become ordered at a higher level.
There are many people out there who are in stable relationships but who are not growing in these relationships. They may have paired themselves with people who did not challenge them, or who are far beneath them in terms of intellect or something similar. This is very common. Many people seek out people and situations that do not challenge them so they are not exposed to disorder. They are frightened of disorder. In their careers, many people put themselves in situations wherein they are not challenged, just so they can avoid the risk of being exposed to disorder (i.e., being forced to learn new skills and to push and grow outside of their comfort zone). They choose to live lives of mediocrity and deny the achievement of their own potential, because they are unable to challenge themselves. This is extremely common. It is more than likely occurring with you at some level within your own life.
The two laws that (1) order leads to disorder and (2) disorder leads to order, are something you should understand in your own life. You need to make order and disorder work for you. You need to utilize disorder so that you can grow. The best thing that can often happen to you is to be exposed to disorder by losing a job, or experiencing some other sort of setback. The times we are exposed to disorder are some of the most important times in our lives. Our reaction to disorder shapes our lives to come.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Brothers in Arms, Side-by-Side at Arlington

Good Friends at the Naval Academy and Both Killed in Combat, Travis Manion and Brendan Looney Now Lie in Rest Together

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  • Play CBS VideoVIDEOBrothers In Arms Buried Together
    Travis Manion and Brendan Looney were roommates at the naval academy and became as close as brothers. One became a Marine stationed in Iraq, the other, a Navy Seal in Afghanistan. Both have died and were laid to rest side-by-side in Arlington's National Cemetery. David Martin reports.
    • Brendan Looney, left, and Travis Manion, right.
      Brendan Looney, left, and Travis Manion, right. (CBS)
    (CBS)  Travis Manion and Brendan Looney were roommates at the Naval Academy, close as brothers. One became a Marine and went to Iraq, the other a Navy Seal in Afghanistan. On Monday they were reunited, side-by-side in Arlington National cemetery, reportsCBS News correspondent David Martin.

    "That's what kinda gets me by is knowing that they're going to be together," said Looney's wife, Amy.

    The grief is still raw for Amy, and for Looney's mother Maureen. It's been less than two weeks since his body came home from Afghanistan, where he was killed in a helicopter crash.

    Travis Manion Foundation

    "After we got the call and everything, actually Mrs. Manion was the first person I called because she was like Brendan's other mom," said Maureen.

    "And she just said, 'Janet,' and I said, 'Maureen,' and she started crying and I said, 'Brendan,' and she said, 'yes,'" said Janet Manion, Travis' mother.

    Travis Manion's parents have been living with their grief for more than three years. He was shot by a sniper in Iraq in 2007. Six months later, Brendan was still overcome talking about what Travis meant to him.

    "I was lucky enough to room with Travis at the Naval Academy for two years," said Brendan in October 2007. "In a very short time he became another brother to me. He was a great friend. I'll never forget him and I miss him."

    Travis had been laid to rest in the family cemetery near Philadelphia, but when Brendan died both families instantly knew what had to be done.

    "That was the first thing out of my mouth, without even thinking," said Amy. "That they had to be together."

    "I'll be at peace knowing that he's with his brother, together," said Janet. "I know that's where he wants to be."

    On Friday Travis was moved to Arlington. Both families were there, the two mothers holding tight to each other. Monday they gathered again, to bury Brendan right next to Travis.

    "They're together now," said Maureen. "We've got two angels looking out after us."

    Travis' father, himself a former Marine, spoke their epitaph.

    "First Lieutenant Travis Manion, USMC, Lieutenant Brendan Looney, United States Navy. Warriors for freedom, brothers forever," said Travis' father Tom.

    How To Run A Meeting

    Susan Adams, 10.06.10, 01:00 PM EDT

    A medical school dean offers expert tips on dealing with long-winded colleagues, agenda-hijackers and other plagues of the business meeting.


    Dr. Nadine Katz goes to a lot of meetings. Some of them last so long the participants have to order in food or switch rooms.
    About eight years ago Katz, who is senior associate dean, professor and director of medical education in the department of obstetrics, gynecology and women's health at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City, decided she'd try to figure out how to make those endless meetings more efficient.
    Her study produced great results at Einstein. Though she doesn't like to toot her own horn--"I'm turning crimson right now," she says when asked how her meeting style has helped her career--she has improved a slew of committee conclaves at her institution.
    Three years ago she was promoted to associate dean, and more recently she became senior associate dean. "You never know who's going to be in the room, and who might be considering you for another opportunity," she allows. She even speaks to physicians' professional associations about how to improve meetings.
    Katz's approach applies to meetings everywhere. Her tips go beyond the standard meeting advice, which pretty much comes down to starting and ending on time, setting an agenda and sticking to it.

    Katz says it's always smart to lay out what she calls "norms," codes of meeting conduct, at the outset, particularly when a group will be holding a series of gatherings. How does the group respond, for instance, when participants come in late? What if some attendees haven't done their homework ahead of time? What about meeting hijackers, who try to grab the stage and steer the agenda in their own direction? Katz notes that this can be especially problematic when the latecomer or hijacker is a senior manager and the meeting leader is a junior staffer. If everyone understands the rules going in, such troublemakers are easier to rein in.Her No. 1 recommendation: Prepare, prepare and prepare some more. Not only does she lay out in advance a detailed agenda for a meeting and touch base with the participants to alert them to important points, she also surveys the physical space where the meeting will be held--down to details like the room temperature and whether there might be a flickering fluorescent light bulb. "I am someone who believes in overly preparing," she admits. When ordering refreshments, she even checks on individual taste. "If someone likes Tab, we order Tab," she says. Small amenities like that can help participants feel welcome and eager to participate.
    When it comes to hijackers who don't obey the rules, Katz suggests the leader say something like, "Thank you for bringing up this issue. It's clearly important. I'd like to check with the committee whether it's OK if we table that point until we finish with the other items on our agenda."
    Sometimes a hijacker tries to physically displace the meeting leader, pulling his seat up and pushing the leader off to the side. Katz notes that, especially for women leaders, it's smart to take the seat at the head of the table to command a position of authority.
    That said, there are times when it makes more sense for the leader to sit in the middle of the group. Katz points to a twice-monthly operations meeting she attends, where the leader chooses not to sit at the head of the table. That puts the participants at ease, she says, and it once led to a savings of $25,000, when a meeting attendee who might not otherwise have piped up alerted the leader to an impending renovation that affected trash storage. If the person hadn't felt comfortable speaking, a structure would have been built that would soon have had to be demolished at undue cost.
    What does Katz advise about long-winded colleagues who can't for the life of them summarize their points? Wait until they take a breath, she suggests, and then jump in. Summarize their point and say, "You've brought up some important issues. I'd like to ask the group if we would like to continue with your point now, or put it at the top of the agenda for the next meeting." That way the bloviator feels he's been heard. You're taking his point seriously. Bringing in the group helps get the meeting back on track without making the leader seem overbearing.
    "You must never lose control of your meeting," Katz concludes. "If you start to, you've got to wrestle it back. Remind everyone that you've got an agenda planned."